TGIF - Thank God It's Finished... Well, sort of.

Yup, after ten years of working on my novel (although, for a couple of years I did put it to the side) I am finally done and boy do I feel… Actually, I’m not sure how I feel.

I finished my novel back in October 2014. After rewriting, redrafting, deleting, editing and re-editing I was confident that it was now at a place where it could stand on its own. Completing my manuscript was a very big deal. Besides getting a callback to audition for the Broadway musical, Rent (yes, I know you’re tired of hearing that story), it’s one of my biggest accomplishments. But it also makes me the saddest.

I can be an emotional person but I’m also a realist. Change is important to ones growth in life and I’ve always been the type to step out of my comfort zone even if it meant leaving the city where I was born, getting out of a long-term relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, or leaving a good paying job to work on a passion without any other means of financial support. But it doesn’t mean that those things don’t affect me, especially the money thingy.

When I moved from New York to California, I was sad about leaving my friends and family. And after leaving my last job of six years, I was a hot mess. And that’s exactly how I felt when finishing my book. I’d shared so much with my characters and they’d been such a part of my life for so long. I’ve cried with them, watched them grow, and have even shed tears when I had to kill one of them off. (I write murder mysteries, btw) But the hardest was saying goodbye to something that had been part of my life for years.

I believe part of that sadness was brought on by starting a new project. I know writers often have problems coming up with new ideas for their next book but that wasn’t my issue. I had been carrying around an idea for awhile and had even done a short outline. I was physically ready.

True, there was the excitement of writing something new, but mentally I wasn’t prepared to leave my old friends behind. Just like my friends and associates from my last job, I missed them terribly.

I’m good at letting go of the past, and I thought moving on with my new project would be quite easy. I now wonder if authors like Stephen King or Michael Connelly have had these problems. After years of producing so many other works of literature, do they ever truly let go of their first book?

Almost two-hundred pages later into my new manuscript, I’m still connected to my first. But I’m happy to say that I’m letting go more and more now that I’m becoming more invested in my new characters although it’s still a challenge.

My make-believe characters are not really much different than the real ones. I can phone, text or email my friends in New York as often as I want and when I get lonely for my old co-workers I can always meet them for a quick catch-up and much needed hug.

And I now understand that there is nothing wrong with staying connected to my first book because one, I would be using a recurring character, (that’s a bonus when writing a series) and two, when it hits the bookstores and becomes a bestseller, people around the world will become acquainted with my characters and once again, they’ll become a major part of my life.

Just like the memory of my first boyfriend, I’ll never let go of the memory of my first book. After all, he’s still the best kisser I’ve ever had.

PS: This piece is dedicated to my east coast friends and family, my favorite boss (you know who you are) and all those writers out there who are nervous about starting their new book