Thick Skin—Learning to Handle Critiques and Criticism

I was recently invited to join a conference call by my friend and author, Martha ‘Marti’ Tucker, owner/operator of Urban Classic Books, a self-publishing company in Culver City. For a couple of weeks after, I’ve been thinking about what it means to have your worked critiqued.

During the call, writers were allowed to read from their works (no more than 2-pages) and then get feedback from their fellow writers. Normally when I am a guest, I try not to say too much unless asked, but I felt a need to comment on one of the writer’s works. Though I felt his chapter was well written, I had a minor suggestion—to rework or move a sentence that I believed did not help the flow.

I thought I was giving a very minor suggestion but unfortunately it caused not just comments from the other writers, but it also left the writer feeling his work was being criticized. I explained that it was more of a critique but to that writer it felt like his work was being disparaged. But I feel there is a difference between the two words. To critique ones work means to give a review or commentary on that person’s work; to criticize is the act of criticizing, mainly adversely which was not my intention.

I’ve been on both sides of the fence being a writer and an editor. I’ve even run across writers who’ve asked my opinion about their writings, for instance, the structure or flow of the story, etc., but then too often when I am honest, I don’t hear from those writers again and I can’t help but wonder—did they really want an honest opinion?

When I received my manuscript back from my editor Jean, I was miserable. Forget the fact that she believed my book was sellable. The only thing I could think about for weeks was the red marks.

Successful writers, authors and editors will tell you to let your friends read your work but getting feedback from them can come with a double-edge sword. Some friends may feel that they can’t be honest because they don’t want to hurt your feelings and will use the standard, “it’s great”, while others may just be poor at evaluating your work because they aren’t readers or even fans of your genre. And still some may just be haters and give you nothing but negative feedback. Yup, even your friends can be haters. Blah!

And what about the editors that we pay to edit our work? Do we handle those critiques any better? I’m not saying that I love to have my work critiqued or even criticized but I do try to stay open especially if I am in an environment where my work is being critiqued or if I’ve asked a friend or paid an editor. But then there are so many other ways writers and screenwriters have to go through this agonizing albeit necessary process. How many?

Stay tune for Part II – Thick Skin.