Better the Second Time Around

In my last blog, I mentioned that I hadn't written anything since 2007 but I didn't say why.

I've been a temp/contractor for over ten years. During those years when an assignment was over, I'd take a few weeks off then look for a new one. I love the idea of temping. Because the jobs were only temporary, I felt free to write, to think about my writing and often depending on the job, the freedom to write in the office during slow periods. It never mattered that the assignment was one, two or even three year just the idea of not working as a permanent employee made me feel unfettered.

But in November of '07 when my contract job was over I found myself out of work for four months. During that time, I was evicted from my apartment and ended up staying with my friend's son sleeping on an air mattress in their home office for almost two months.

People may think that with four months of being out of work you have lots of free time to write and in a way, that is true. However, I was so choked up with fear and anxiety about being out of work, I could barely find the strength to write on my blog. I did however continue writing for a dating advice website.

Those three years had not lessened the desire to write just the ability. Finally back on my feet, I'm still a bit shaky. And now I'm challenged with a new fear. Do I still have what it takes to become a successful writer?

While looking through my writings from only a few years back (my novel is finished, a screenplay, short stories and some poetry) I am amazed how lyrical I was; even questioning if those lines really came from me.

So for the last few months I've written in small doses--a poem here, an outline there; afraid to go full blown but still pushing myself to get back to where I was or to be even better.

I'm sure I'll get there but some days, I wonder.