Where Do I Turn Now?

Have you ever had explicit directions and still managed to get lost. On the seat next to you are printouts from Mapquest, Google Map, and a globe so huge, it's blocking your side-view mirror. And just to be sure, your car comes equipped with the latest navigational system.

I know I have the tools to make it as a successful writer. I've always been an avid reader so I understand the principals of starting a novel... 'read and study the genre you're interested in writing.

When I was in school and was majoring in Screenwriting, I took creative writing classes, worked on outlines and character descriptions. I wrote short stories and poetry; all in preparation for that day when I would actually sit down and type that last sentence... The End.

When my novel was done, I made sure I was prepared before I mailed out any query letters. First I draft and redraft and wrote and rewrote. Next I edited and edited and then re-edited.

I brought the latest Writer's Market Guide then went online and checked out agency's websites on submission guidelines. I visited writer's groups, gave chapters to friends to read. Recently I even spent hundreds of dollars on a writer's conference.

But for the life of me, I feel more stagnant than ever. I feel like those little whined-up dolls that just go around and around in circles or the ones that you push to go straight and when they hit a wall, their little feet just keep on moving while their bodies go nowhere.

I'm at a point where I want to just toss everything and move to Montana. Why Montana? because when my friends and family try to look for me, I know it will be the last place they would think of. They know I hate the cold.

Today I feel like I am at the end of my rope. On Sunday's I'm already hyperventilating just thinking about another week at a job that is beating the life out of me and where the only thing I can do is think about what I want to write or do about writing. I'm zapped by the end of the day.

And by the end of the week, I don't want to look at a computer or think about anything else until the next Monday.

But damn if I'm going to keep complaining and complaining about not having enough time to do what I need to do.

I got to get out. So I'm coming up with a plan. A plan that will get me to writing at least a couple days a week. A plan that will get me blogging at least once every other week. A plan that will get me to send out a query letter or look up some information on an agency or publishing company. And a plan to redraft my book again so I can move it along to an editor who will help me get to the next avenue.

Simply put... the plan is to move my butt into a position where I am doing something every week to reach that goal.

After all, if I can find the energy to complain about my circumstances, I can find the energy to do what needs to be done.

I can keep traveling down the same rocky road and keep triping over those same stupid rocks or I can move them out of my way. The most important thing to remember is that I can't move those rocks all at once but I can sure move them one day at a time.

If you decide to use my method, remember to lift with your legs.

Write, Type, Scribble or Text - Just Do It!

I aways hear creative folks say to keep a pad near your bed for ideas. I've tried this technique a few times but when I wake up during the night and have an idea, writing it down is not my first thought. Can I hold it is my first. (I drink a lot of fluids during the day) My next...how long will it take me to go back to sleep.

I don't keep what you might call a typical journal. I've tried that routine a few times and it just doesn't do it for me. I have writing pads and pieces of papers where I've written down my thoughts over the years. I've even taken note of what my writer-friends use to keep ideas in front of them. Some use those huge calendar/blotters on their desk. Others have little post-its all around their computer and walls. Some keep journals and neat pads and for the techie, it's an ipod or ipad with perfect bullet points.

The problem with my note taking is remembering where I've put them after I've written them down. Weeks, months or even a few years later I'll come across something I've written down and then I say for the umpteenth time, I need to get better at keeping my thoughts organized.

Because I have a day job, I can't afford to be loose with my written thoughts and ideas. More importantly, if I want to become a successful writer, I need to build on these ideas.

I'm sure I'm not the only writer that picks up a book, sees a new television series or hears of a new movie coming out and say, "Damn, I had the same idea. If only..." If only is for losers and I ain't no loser. Or am I...

After You've Done All You Can - Part II

Some days. No, let me rephrase that. Daily, I think of writing. And what I think about the most is when I'll be able to write full-time and when I'll be able to make a living as a story-teller. Often, it's bits of new ideas that float around in my head duking it out with each other with the winner hoping to make their debut onto paper.

Unfortunately, these ideas disappear with the beginning of another busy day at work. And I keep telling myself (justifying) that it's OK not to write daily. That even though I daily pray for a career of writing and don't write, God will see my heart and bless me.

But then I get real. God can only help those who help themselves and right now I am not writing so why would He help me?

There was a time when I would stay up til two or three in the morning just writing. Now, I make excuses; I work long hours, I'm exhausted when I get home. I turn on the TV because it relaxes me.

But then I hear about the tons of successful writers who speak about getting up at dawn to write for at least an hour or two which only depresses me more because though these ideas taunt me in the early hours, I just want to go back to sleep.

Lack of motivation could be one of the reasons. After finishing my novel, I felt drained. Not by the writing itself but the next step. The hours it takes to research agents and publishing companies and the many rules dictated by those companies. The drafting of query letters followed by mailing those letters. Then, the constant silence of waiting followed by the stream of rejections. This brings me to the brink of believing I've done all I can. But I know that's not true.

So I begin a list of what to do:

• Do another search for agents and publishers
• Look into attending a writing conference
• Ways to improve my query letter
• Ways to improve my book
• Research and enter writing contest
• Network with other writers

It's important to be your own voice, cheerleader, and ass kicker to motivate getting back on track.

In part III, I'll tell you how I decided not to just make a list, but to complete everything on that list.

Here's to making lists!

SB

After You've Done All You Can - Part I

How do you know when you've done everything you can after you've finished your book?

There are plenty of books that tell you how to prepare after your manuscript is done. They give you a list of agents and publishers who are interested in your genre, provide you information on self-publishing and how to write a query letter.

But none of them mention the fear that often comes when you've finished that book and the silence that comes after you've written the last line and your characters have spoken their last word.

And the most significant question...can I do it again?

After a few months of decompressing from writing my first novel, I sat down to work on my next and guess what? Nothing came. I was lost on what to do next.

There was a time when words just floated out of me...poetry, short stories, scripts but now I was lucky if I could write a general email. I was empty. And I wasn't sure what to do about it.

At first I had a pity party. I told myself, this is it. There's nothing more to give. I read over things that I had written and wept at how good it felt when it flowed but I would never again know that feeling.

This went on for months. I would come up with wild ideas on what to write...should it be drama, love, comedy, thrillers? Eventually, I finally pulled myself out of it. How did I do it?

First, I told myself to calm down because I didn't want my writing to come from forced ideas or desperation. Next, I decided to do some leisurely reading.

After a short period I again sat down at the computer and I asked myself a very important question--what if an agent or publisher ask me what I have to offer besides that one book, what can I tell them.

The answer was clear; stay with the genre I love and start from there. That helped me to start work on a new outline for my second book and I was even able to come up with an idea for a third.

It's important to take some time for yourself after you've written a major piece of work. Writing takes a lot out of you and can leave you feeling like a damp cloth (you know that there is more water but no matter how much you squeeze that cloth, nothing else will come out.

I'm sure there are writers who can start on a project right after they've finished one. I'm just not one of them.

There is no one formula. Just remember to always utilize the one that works for you.

Don't Ignore Your Writing Voice

I'm mentally trying to get back to where I used to be 3-years ago; where I wrote almost daily. Now with another new chapter in my life (do we go through a rewrite every 10-years), it's another stumbling block.

After I was out of work for 4 months, I landed a job with a video game company. The dilemma; it's a permanent one.

Doing temp work for over 10+ years, my body went into shock when I had to come up with yearly goals and go through quarterly reviews. My goal is have a successful career as a story-teller and during the reviews when they ask me where I see myself, that is what I want to say.

But I keep that other little voice quiet and I tell them what I think they want to hear that will keep me on the job another week, month, or God forbid a year until my dream turns into an actuality.

Just 'bout every temp job that I've had wanted me to stay on. I try my best to do a great job no matter what my goals are. But I can't help but daydream about the day I can hear those words from a publisher..."We want to keep you on as a client."

This job is no different and because it's a permanent one, I feel more obligated.

Now over 2-years later, I have an opportunity to head-up a new project which will come with a promotion and more responsibility.

When my boss first proposed me heading this process, I almost hyperventilated in his office. Then, I went home and cried feeling defeated. I was also fearful to tell friends--afraid that they would tell me that it was probably God's will.

But I finally snapped out of it. I realized that if I was not happy about this, if it did not stop me in my tracks and did not make me do a u-turn about about starting a new career, then what was the problem.

Every opportunity that comes your way does not mean the end of your passion; your dreams. It could just be a way to make extra money. It could teach you skills that you may need to use when you finally get to where you want to be.

Don't let it get you twisted into thinking this is the end if this happens to you. Now of course if you get an offer or an opportunity and you're excited about it, then go for it.

However, if it stops your heart or makes you want to toss your cookies, then pay attention. It's your inner voice telling you that this is not your final destiny.

Make sure you don't ignore it!

Better the Second Time Around

In my last blog, I mentioned that I hadn't written anything since 2007 but I didn't say why.

I've been a temp/contractor for over ten years. During those years when an assignment was over, I'd take a few weeks off then look for a new one. I love the idea of temping. Because the jobs were only temporary, I felt free to write, to think about my writing and often depending on the job, the freedom to write in the office during slow periods. It never mattered that the assignment was one, two or even three year just the idea of not working as a permanent employee made me feel unfettered.

But in November of '07 when my contract job was over I found myself out of work for four months. During that time, I was evicted from my apartment and ended up staying with my friend's son sleeping on an air mattress in their home office for almost two months.

People may think that with four months of being out of work you have lots of free time to write and in a way, that is true. However, I was so choked up with fear and anxiety about being out of work, I could barely find the strength to write on my blog. I did however continue writing for a dating advice website.

Those three years had not lessened the desire to write just the ability. Finally back on my feet, I'm still a bit shaky. And now I'm challenged with a new fear. Do I still have what it takes to become a successful writer?

While looking through my writings from only a few years back (my novel is finished, a screenplay, short stories and some poetry) I am amazed how lyrical I was; even questioning if those lines really came from me.

So for the last few months I've written in small doses--a poem here, an outline there; afraid to go full blown but still pushing myself to get back to where I was or to be even better.

I'm sure I'll get there but some days, I wonder.

Buried Alive

December, 2007... The last time I’ve written anything on my blog. I've gone through a few journeys during these almost 3 years; some that have increased my faith and made me stronger, while others have completely tore me down to a mere shell. Both have made me aware of who I am as a person--stronger and more passionate than ever before about life and the goals I have dreamt of achieving. During these voyages, I've completely buried my writing. Like treasures that float down with a sinking ship, my God-given talents have recessed. By resurrecting this blog, I hope to once again be where I used to be. Writing daily and enjoying that excitement of seeing those black words prance on that white background.

This blog was and still is intended to help writers communicate about their writing struggles. Life can stop you dead in your tracks, knock you on your ass, and keep you from that goal of writing daily.
The ability to write; my passion and love for writing during those times was still alive; struggling to be liberated; to break to the surface.
Am I completely free yet from these struggles? No, but I'm fighting to get back to where I was; a born storyteller, dying to share with the world the stories that are constantly floating in my head and are looking to make their debuts on a bookstore shelf or an HBO special.

Therefore, my promise is to take it one day at a time, to not beat myself up during this struggle and to share those struggles.

Here’s to doing this together…