I applaud writers who are able to stay focused no matter what demands are placed on them. I often have burst of these moments where I am able to write without distractions for months or longer but then there are times where I can get so distracted that it often takes me weeks or even months to find my rhythm again.
This happened recently. I’d been unable to truly focus on anything concrete with my writing. And because I’ve always questioned why this occurs it takes me another week or two to ponder the reasons why. At first I blamed it on my new job. After taking a sabbatical for over a year, it was hard to get back into the groove of working fulltime and trying to find time to write. I’ve now been working as a contractor for a little over three months and have changed my work schedule three times.
Also the hours and days are a bit unusual. A nine-to-fiver for most of my working life, I was placed on the 2nd shift which meant that I didn’t make it home until after 10:30pm or later. I originally worked, Tuesdays - Fridays and Sundays, then it changed to Wednesday through Sunday and off Monday and Tuesdays. Now with my new hours of 4/40 (work 4 days for 10 hours and off 3) I don’t make it home sometimes until midnight or later.
But any writer would be able to make the shift to finding time to write in the early mornings but I still struggle. My workday doesn't begin until 1:00pm but I still can't find the energy to nudge myself out of bed until after 11:00.
All of this sounds plausible and I’m sure many writers would understand why I’m having such a hard time. But when I really dig deep, I know that none of the above are the reasons. That the real reason is I'm disheartened.
I’ve worked hard for the last 15 years writing, drafting, taking classes, and then writing and rewriting. In the last year and a half, I really buckled down and finished what I thought was some incredible work. But at the end of my year, I found myself out of money and the need to get another job, something that I thought I would never have to do again and it makes me sad.
Since 2014, I’ve gotten more rejections that all start the same, ‘Thank you so much for your submission but unfortunately’… I’ve submitted to contests after contests only to make it to the quarter-finalist mark. And I’ve come close to selling a script and getting a short story published only for those doors that had been open to suddenly close.
I am not a one-hit-wonder writer. You know the type—one book and they expect to get a contract right away and I’m sure some do. But I don’t want to be that writer. I want to be an author known for many projects.
My first book is completed along with half of a draft of the 2nd in a series and I have an outline for the third. Three screenplays, some short stories and a couple of poems are also finished. Have I paid my writing dues? You tell me.
I’m sure there are writers out there who’ve done more and some who’ve done less. I just know that right now I’m fighting to get back on the horse. I can’t let myself down. I’ve got too much to loose at this point. I would hate to think that all the words I’ve written, and all the stories I still have inside of me will be for naught. I would hate to let all the people down who believe in me; who believed enough in me to buy me an Apple computer, who brag to their friends about their writer friend, and the ones who continue to pray daily for my success.
So for all the writers out there who feel like I do and who have to push themselves daily to face another day, and another blank page I say to them… stay focused, stay driven, stay faithful and most importantly, write damn it, write!
