Seasons - Getting Rid of Crap or Spring Cleaning

Spring cleaning is a nice way to say that you need to get rid of crap once a year. When I was living in New York, it seemed spring cleaning was more out of necessity. During the winter months, there is a need for bulky clothes and boots, quilts and electric blankets and other winter provisions. As soon as there is a touch of warmth in the air, it’s time to throw out and pack away these items so you can prepare for the spring and summer months.

When I lived in New York, I had a small studio apartment and because of its size, I had a lot of clutter in many corners. At least I told myself that was the reason for the mass collection of stuff. But the truth is I may be a bit of a hoarder. Not as bad as some of the people on the show, Hoarder, but there have been times when it’s gotten out of hand.

Since moving to California, I’ve moved 8 or 9 times and with each move my car has become a place of storage for some of my smaller items. I try to have enough space in my trunk where I can place my groceries but because I am constantly writing and rewriting and editing and redrafting (I knows it’s not eco-friendly but I need to see my writing on paper in order to do any type of edits) my trunk gets even more cluttered. It reminds me of the old fridge my parents had. You know the ones I mean? They didn’t have the no-frost technology yet and the longer you waited to defrost, the more the ice would accumulate. Eventually, you had to do a manual defrost because you couldn’t fit anything else in the freezer.

When I left my job, I decided to do some spring cleaning in my car. While flipping through some of my old writings, I had mixed emotions. Several of my writings were good and I couldn’t believe it came from me. Truly God had been with me. But then there were others that stunk. I couldn’t help to wonder what I was thinking at the time. I also wondered why I was so obsessed with verbs and adjectives.

Hoarding may not be healthy but I do think that holding onto some of your old writings, at least for awhile, can be educational. You can see where you’ve grown and not make the same mistakes. Old writings can also inspire you to come up with a new twist. But I think the jewel to going through your old writing is coming across old rejection letters.

As writers we are told to never throw away these letters. At first, I never understood why. I mean, they are reminders from publishers and agents whom we respected enough to send them our writings, that we are not good enough.

But then I’ve read stories of writers like John Grisham and Kathryn Stockett who were rejected. And writers we not only grew up reading but who we studied in classes like English lit. Writers like, Plath, Kipling, Dickinson and Hemingway.

So although I’ve promised myself to no longer be a hoarder, there will be some items I will keep like those rejects. At least until I get that ‘YES’ letter in the mail.

Bring in the Noise, Bring in the Funk

My neighbor who lives above me is home today. Why is that a big deal? Because as nice as my neighbor is, he has the walk of a Sasquatch and I’m worried I won’t be able to get much done today if he’s stumping around.

I’m sure most or all writers have an idea writing place or spot where they can go to write. Some need music, some have to use earphones. There may be some who can only write at a sea shore while others need to be in an isolated location in the mountains to get the juices flowing.

My preference would be sitting in the living room of my 3 bedroom loft, my laptop cradled on my lap where I lie cozily on my lounger. And every now and then when I look up, I can see the sun glistening off the ocean’s waves outside my huge bay window. One day…

I love writing when the world is still, and the sky is a tinge of indigo and there is calmness around me. I’ve been writing for over 10 years now and during those years, I’ve lived at 8 are 9 different apartments, worked about the same amount of jobs and I’ve been able to write in most of those places. I’ve written at the lowest and most painful times of my life.

During a Sex and the City episode, one of the characters, Charlotte, was trying acupuncture, a traditional Chinese procedure, that some believe can cure a number of symptoms. I’m a big believer. With the needle method, which is the one Charlotte’s character was doing, the doctor may leave you in a dark or soft lit room so that you can breathe deeply, relax and hopefully free your mind.

Charlotte’s doctor’s office was in the middle of Manhattan and if anyone knows anything about the city, it never sleeps. She had a hard time letting go and she kept complaining to the doctor about the noise. Eventually he told her that she had to learn how to relax no matter what was going on in and around her life.

The same thing is necessary when writing. You may not ever have the right place or the right time to write. Sometime you got’ a block out the noise and the funk and just do it.

Help a Sistah Out!

It’s been a week and a day since I left my job. I now have everything in place to write. My Internet, laptop, printer and phone are working properly.

This is the day I’ve committed to start writing. I’ve done all of the organizing, ran all my errands, have searched the Internet for great deals and have watched enough television. No more excuses. It’s time to start on my projects.

But of course there is always something to take you off track. As I sat down to work on my script and inserted my Final Draft CD (6.0) into the CD driver, it wouldn’t work. This is a problem since I’m not ready to shell out another $200 for an upgraded version.

After getting frustrated and feeling stressed for a few minutes, I went online and did some shop comparisons. Instead of shelling out for the newest version 9.0, I would settle for 7 or 8. But those are still quite high.

But low and behold, I noticed a link for free 30-day trial download. I’m saved. So I’m back in business.

There are so many creative people in the world. Whether you want to be a singer, screenwriter or author, the price to attend special programs, to buy tools or software, attend classes, or even entering contests can become very pricey.

And unfortunately there are so many programs out there that know there are people like me who are trying to break into the biz and they constantly increase their prices with each change of the seasons. It’s a little sad but it’s the world we live in.

Is 6.0 better than 9.0? I don’t really see a difference. Maybe for the real hardcore screenwriters but I don’t need all those bells and whistles. I’m just a writer who wants to make sure my format is right, that there is enough white-space in my script and I spelled everything correctly but most of all that my script is good.

Unlike when using PowerPoint (my favorite software btw—good job Microsoft) where I can use transitions, slideshows and fancy fonts, my screenplay and even my fiction writing has to fit the industries standard; courier, 12pt, 1.5 inch margins, etc.

Today is tax day and there are all types of companies offering discounts and freebies. It would be ever so nice if Apple, Microsoft, and the telephone companies would jump on board.

After all, who couldn’t benefit from a discount? Come on guys; help a sistah out once in awhile.

PS: I think I'll head over to Boston Market. They got a good chicken dinner deal.

Stepping Out - III

I was talking to an ex-coworker a couple of weeks ago about her breakup. It had been a few weeks but she was still going thru withdrawals. Since they had lived together for awhile, she now had problems being at home alone. She was constantly living inside her head—meaning she couldn’t stop the negative voices.

As an only child, I knew firsthand what she met. I am constantly in my head (happy, sad and sometimes crazy thoughts) and as a writer it becomes more so than the norm. I continued to listen as she said, “Work is a welcome diversion.”

That threw me. I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I knew what it meant to use work as a distraction. No one had ever said that to me before. I thought I was the only one who felt like that and I was always ashamed to admit it to anyone for fear of people feeling sorry for me.

For the last 4 years, I used work as a diversion. I’d stay late and come in on the weekends and although people would scold me for working long hours and weekends, I welcomed the moments where I wasn’t sitting at home. I’d get home about 9ish, eat dinner and watch a little comedy and two hours later I’m in bed asleep and able to shut out the world and not have to think about life for 7—9 hours.

Not to say I don’t have friends. I have plenty and get invited to my share of social events. But it’s easier to stay home, lie on the couch and not move until you have to.

I grew up mostly as an only child. That probably doesn’t make sense to most but I’m not in the mood to explain what ‘grew up mostly’ means right now. Suffice it to say, I can be comfortable spending time with myself. I’m sure some would say too comfy. But I also love to be surrounded by people.

I recently had a friend stop by and drop off a CD and when I asked where they were going they said they had to run some errands.

I jokingly asked if I could tag along. You see, I know my friend and I could tell he wanted some alone time. But for a few minutes after they left, I felt alone and the thought of traveling only a few feet to an office every day depressed me.

Unless you have a writing partner, it’s a lonely talent. It’s what I love and hate about writing. I think the loneliness part of writing scares me the most about my new season. But it’s also what makes me a great writer. And once I’m able to share my writing with the world, I know that part of the loneliness will disappear. I can’t wait.

Stepping Out - Part II

I left my job less than a week ago. A company I’d been with for 6 years and two days. A job where I made a comfortable salary and worked with some of the most incredible people I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with in my corporate career.

Yup. I stepped out. Now what?

During my 6 week notice (instead of the standard 2), I was constantly asked if I was excited about leaving. I think most people expected me to jump up and down and say, “Hells yes.” But I couldn’t. I was tired and stressed.

One, I’ve always had problems sleeping but it had now gotten to only 3 to 4 hours a night. I couldn’t believe I had given notice. What the heck was I doin’? Two, I wanted to make sure I got all my work done to make it easier for the next person(s). It took a village to do my job even though in the last 2 years, it had become a department of 1 and I needed to train that village. Three, did I have enough money saved? And 4, what if I failed?

Another question that was asked--, “What will be the first thing you’ll do when you leave…” For that, I gave the standard answer. I’m going to write. But for my close friends and family who needed more, I gave a detailed outline; mediation and prayer in the morning, workout for 30-40 minutes every other day, write 2 hours in the morning and 2 in the afternoon with the goal of getting up to 6 hours a day of writing. Most days, I’ll stay home and once or twice a week to keep it exciting, I’ll go to a coffee house or library.

But I have to be honest. An outline is just that, an outline. Like my writing, I can outline a story from the beginning to the end but when I began to write, it never comes out the way I expected.

I’ve been here before and working at home is a struggle. For the first few days, you start counting the money and wondering how long it will last because you realize it takes money to have a home office. I needed a new cell, a home phone, printer and the Internet. Plus, I wanted to make sure my place was not only desirable for me to want to work 24/7 but for people to come and visit.

For the first few days I had a burst of energy and began cleaning and organizing my work space-- throwing out the old with hopes of bringing in the new.

A couple of days later I started noticing that I was visiting the fridge a lot then--

I need to interrupt my writing flow to ask a question?

Why when you are on a budget does it feel like you can’t get enough to eat and you start craving everything?

--I started sitting on my couch a lot and turning on the television.

“I’ll just watch a little.”

A couple of hours later... I can start tomorrow. Then tomorrow turns to Monday.

I’ve been leaving my job to write for 6 years and 2 days basically the day I started. I stressed when the Head of Production told me that they wanted to hire me permanently and I cried when I had to write work goals for the first time in 8 years (I’d been a temp forever when I moved to Cali). I would have to lie and make up goals for a job I didn’t want (I don’t like lying) but needed. Plus, I was fearful that this would be it for me.

Nevertheless for 4 years, I wrote goals and went through performance reviews and became a fixture in the company. And during those years, I began to like what I did. I grew in my position, learned and was promoted but mostly I fell in love with the people I worked with.

During my 4th year I began to feel a shift and for awhile I tried hard to get back to how I felt those initial years. But the more I tried to bring myself back, the more I kept hitting a wall. I’m all about signs and I knew what they were telling me. It was time to go.

So for two years, I prayed, fasted, meditated and read and reread affirmations until finally I was able to release, to let go and to let God. I left.

Now, here I am. And God help me I am terrified. I’m right at the beginning with no idea on how it will end.

Stay tuned…

Stepping Out On Faith, Part I

February 10, 2012. It was the last time I’d written anything on my blog. I remember being so excited about that last post. I was going to market my non-fiction book, Seasons of Writing. After all, it took work to write it, I already had it up and running on Amazon, I enjoyed writing it and I thought it was a good first try coming out the gate. But mostly, I felt it would be helpful to other writers.

My strategy was perfect. I would visit local bookstores, hit up a few book clubs and create a KickStarter fund to raise money to get more books printed. I began with finding the perfect bookstore. I reached out to an old acquaintance that I used to work with who had a friend who just opened a bookstore in Manhattan Beach. After a bunch of calls and emails to one of the owners, I was finally sent a waiver which I excitedly signed. In a couple of days, I was on my way to Manhattan Beach with my little 28-page book. Unfortunately, after meeting the owner, she didn’t seem overly excited about me or my book and I left feeling let down that my small but powerful book would be tucked away into Never-Never Land—tossed in a corner where no one would be able to see it.

Not one to stay down too long, I looked to KickStarter. I would start a fund to get more books printed so I could go to other bookstores that would hopefully make me feel more welcomed. I created a beautiful PowerPoint slide with music and VO (voiceover). Thirty days later and 40 bucks richer (it might have been less) I realized that I am not the kind of person to reach out to my friends to ask for help in funding my own project. I mean why should they? Forget about all the other people I knew who’ve raised thousands of dollars for their projects. But was that the reason or was my book just not that interesting?

Two years later and I haven’t done much with my book and I can’t remember why. Did I get discouraged? Did I become too busy with work? And what happened to writing on my blog daily? After all, I kept telling myself and others that I wanted to be a writer. And if that’s true what’s the holdup? Don’t get me wrong. I’ve definitely done a ton of writing between 2012 and now. I got myself an editor for my novel. I took a class on screenwriting at UCLA. I wrote a pilot. I finished a screenplay and started work on another. I’ve entered numerous contests; submitting short stories and screenplays. I’ve accomplished a lot. But with all that, I still haven’t been able to break into that career called ‘writer’ that I so desire. So what did I do next? Stay tunned for part II of Stepping Out...

Seasons of Writing – Marketing Part II

I’m working on getting some wind behind my nonfiction book, Seasons of Writing. As I mentioned in my last blog, since I spent so much time working on it and I also believe it’s a great tool for writers, why not put some energy behind it.

You can currently purchase my book on Amazon.com and although I know we are in the age of e-books, I still like the idea of printed books so my next step is to visit bookstores and see if they would be interested in stocking my book. Plus, I would like to start introducing my book to other book clubs.

However, I’m running into a little dilemma. I really don’t want to spend a lot of money. I’ve researched a few book printing companies and since my book is small (in terms of size, not information) and I’m not looking to order in bulk, the prices seem a little too high. But they do offer book formatting. And as anyone would tell you that has self-published, the look of your book is very important.

Luckily, when I was looking to order books for the book club, my company’s Creative Art Services Manager offered his help. He also had contact with a printer. He did an awesome job but because he was doing it for free, I felt I wasn’t in the position to give too many critiques or ask for a lot of style changes.

After receiving the books, I decided the next time I would try my hand at laying it out myself. For one, I don’t like asking people for favors and two, I used to work in Photoshop, create flyers, and logos back in the day.

For the next order, I rolled up my sleeves and worked on the layout. It took a couple of days but eventually I was satisfied that it was ready to go. So positive that I had done such a great job that when the printer asked if I wanted to see a mockup, I arrogantly said no.

Thirty-five copies later and a bill of over a couple of hundred dollars and I now have books that have part of my head on the back cover cut off along with a very tight margin error.

It’s trial and error. I’ll have to eat the cost but I’ve learned some lessons.

I still did another go at laying it out again but this time I paid closer attention to detail and I asked the printer questions that I should have asked the first time. He is also sending me a mockup.

I have no problems working on a project over and over again until it’s right. After all, isn’t that part of being a great writer? The ability to draft and draft until it’s perfect?